fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
