it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
