You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize