dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize