Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
