Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
