I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
