just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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