walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
