Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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