So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
