I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He did a backflip because drugs
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