nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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