I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
