she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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