dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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