Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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