There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
