How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
