I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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