I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
