i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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