I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
