I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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