so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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