so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
