I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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