i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
