I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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