So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
