none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
