Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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