i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
