DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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