matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Bring me that man meat
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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