bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
