My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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