how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
