So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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