i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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