I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
