dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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