So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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