Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
