do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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