just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
