ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The struggles of a small town man whore
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
