I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
