So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Barsexuality is the new black.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
