Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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