do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
