***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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