if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
