You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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