To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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