I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
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PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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