Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
