White coat. Heels.
You can't special order awesome
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
