Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
