Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
