So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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