Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
