I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Watching her eat just hurts me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
