I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
