I'm lost and stupid without you.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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