I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
