Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
