1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
