I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
