I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
