I molested 6 butterflies tonight
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
