Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
