Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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