When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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