so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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