so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
